Before You Make It Perfect: Learning to Trust Yourself

When Caring Becomes Carrying

It is the middle of the night, and your eyes are open. Your shoulders are up near your ears, even now. There is pressure behind your eyes that does not let go.

You are carrying something. A decision. A project. An email you have rewritten three times. A commitment you said yes to and are now wondering how you will fit into an already full week.

You keep thinking about it. You know what to do.

You don't want to do it.

You want everyone to be happy. You do not want to disappoint anyone. You want to make sure nothing falls through the cracks.

I know this pattern well.

You keep carrying it because you care. You care about getting it right. You care about people. You care about what people think, feel, and say. You care so much that you forget to ask yourself what you need.

What I discovered was that the more I carried, the heavier everything became.

What changed was realizing that I had a choice about what I was carrying. 

Now, before I spend another hour thinking about it, I check in with myself first.

You can try this today.

The next time you find yourself stuck, pause. Take a breath.

Then ask yourself:

"If I stopped trying to make this perfect, what might I do?"

Notice the first answer that comes.

Do not debate it.

Do not improve it.

Do not explain why it won't work.

Just notice it.

Then ask: "If there were no shoulds, and no shouldn'ts, what would I do?"

Notice what comes up.

Notice how you feel.

Notice whether your shoulders soften.

Notice your breathing.

Notice what moves in you.

This connects you to what’s underneath what you have been carrying. And sometimes that alone can make the weight feel lighter.

Most of the time, your next step is much simpler than your mind is making it.

You are not lowering your standards. You are learning to stop carrying more than is yours to carry.

Trust does not begin when everything is perfect.

Trust begins when you stop demanding that you be perfect before you act.

You already know more than you think. And perhaps it is time for you to trust it.